btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
