you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
