i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
