Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
