do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
false alarm, still single
Randomize
