It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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