found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
