You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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