Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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