end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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