What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
