Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
