is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize