if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Houston, we have a blender
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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