That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
