Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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