I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
