Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
PANTIES FOUND
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