he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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