I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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