Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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