He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
