my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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