Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
