Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
