Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
