Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
