i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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