im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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