You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
