I am full of burrito and curiosity
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
