i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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