ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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