Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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