I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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