i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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