You can't motorboat a personality
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Terrible idea I love it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
