If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize