I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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