That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
