Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
