I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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