I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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