i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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