So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
