so explain again why im purple
no
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
