Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize