I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
