You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
