I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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