based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry about my life...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
