i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize