I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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