Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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