Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
