theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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