i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
