I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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