i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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