Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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