Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
