i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
