Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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