Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
