You can't motorboat a personality
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
