This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I lost the right to judge tonight
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
