why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Drunk is a universal language darling
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